Noticing “What’s Not Wrong”

What do we do when we take a walk in the woods? On a winter walk, seeing the nearly black, rough bark on the trunk of a blackjack oak and the paler, warty trunks of hackberries? Crossing a creek and looking at sudden tiny swirls at the water’s surface, where groups of mosquitofish dart away from our shadow. On sunny days when we stop and look upward toward the songs of small birds – titmice and chickadees flitting from one tree limb to the next. What we do is notice what is around us. Chances are that we pause for a little and soak in the experience, trying to get a good look and a good listen.

What should we call that kind of noticing? Being tuned in to the land and sky, the animals we find, the plants and trees, is the sort of thing that naturalists do. A naturalist is someone who pays attention to all those things and wants to understand how it all works together. So if you are doing that, we might say you’re using a naturalist’s attention.

We don’t always use our attention that way. Sometimes we could jog along the trail with ear buds in, listening to music or a podcast. Or we could walk through trees and grasses with a friend, talking about each other’s lives and getting “lost” in conversation. That’s a different experience. It can be great, but it is different than what we experience with a naturalist’s attention to our surroundings.

I think I learned to use a naturalist’s attention long ago as I looked for reptiles and amphibians and learned about how things work in nature, predators and prey, and also species that return used up bodies to the soil, the choreography of the seasons, and so on. As the years have passed, my preferred way of being in nature emphasizes quiet and stillness. I don’t necessarily mean lack of movement; for me, stillness is a quality of mind. I could be sitting or I might be walking along, but with luck I can have that quality of stillness as I move.

Mindfulness

I began to learn more about mindfulness and then to practice and write about it (for example, in Mindfulness in Texas Nature). When practiced in nature, mindfulness is very similar to what I’ve described as a naturalist’s attention. Mindfulness involves being aware of and paying attention to whatever is happening here and now, and doing so without judgment. We do not try to push anything out of awareness or notice only what we consider good; instead of trying to control our experience, we accept it as it is.

This attention to what we are experiencing includes both external and internal experience. What happens internally includes, of course, thoughts and emotions, and we cannot “empty our minds” of all thoughts. The human brain generates lots of thoughts, and during mindfulness practice we notice and then let them go. We stay in the present moment by not letting them take hold of us and lead us into distraction. If I’m sitting in the woods and something occurs to me about an appointment tomorrow, I can notice that I’m having a thought and then bring myself back to where I am sitting among the trees. I will probably need to do that multiple times. When a person is just beginning mindfulness practice, they do this over and over again, and that is normal. With more experience, those thoughts may be less persistent. 

People often think of mindfulness meditation as something that occurs while seated on a cushion in some quiet room. That is one way to practice mindfulness, but it also can be practiced while sitting in nature or while moving about – with that quality of stillness I mentioned earlier. The important things include staying in the present, aware of our experience. We try not to wind up spending our time on autopilot, lost in thoughts (or conversation).

An important strategy in mindfulness practice is paying attention to our breathing. The breath is always there, always available as a part of our experience in this moment. Focusing our awareness on each breath in and each breath out is a way of anchoring ourselves in the present. If we begin in this way for a few minutes, then we can shift our attention to everything else, such as clouds, water, the feel of the ground under our feet, and so on. When our minds begin to wander, we can bring our attention back to our breathing which anchors us in the present moment.

Typically, this breath awareness meditation involves breathing in a natural and comfortable way, noticing every sensation of air in our nostrils and throat, the expansion of our chest and abdomen. The in-breath fills our awareness with a cool rush of air through our nostrils and the expansion of our lungs. We might let our attention center on how our abdomen expands or any of the other sensations. Then with the out-breath we feel our abdomen and chest contract and the slightly warmed air leaving our nostrils. And every time our mind brings up other things, we take note of it with patience and the understanding that this is perfectly normal, and return our attention to our breath.

When we do this during an outing in nature, after focusing on breathing for a short time, we can move the focus of our attention outside ourselves to what is nearby. We notice sounds, smells and sights around us and then see what we notice further away. When our mind wanders, we gently bring it back to what is happening right now. If it will help, we can return to focusing on our breathing for a while.

The significance of this in a world in crisis

Most of us look around and we see a society in crisis. We look for what we can do to resist the destruction that threatens us, and our days can be full of watching, waiting, and worrying. I believe that we should remain engaged and informed and try to make things better, and yet if we become overwhelmed, we cannot do much good. It will help if we find time to be immersed in good things – people and places we love.

In his book, Peace is Every Step, the Zen master and mindfulness teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says that we should learn to ask, “What’s not wrong?”

There are so many elements in the world and within our bodies, feelings, perceptions, and consciousness that are wholesome, refreshing, and healing. If we block ourselves, if we stay in the prison of our sorrow, we will not be in touch with these healing elements. (p. 77)

We need these healing elements, even as we stay engaged in a world that needs our voices right now. We must not forget to visit what is not wrong, what we love, and what gives our lives meaning. We need each other, and that includes the other than human lives we find in nature. For me, being absorbed in the sound, sight, smell, and feel of the world around me, with attention focused on a spider’s web, sunlight filtered through leaves, the call and answer of nearby crows, and the color of a small cluster of mushrooms, is a lifeline. I think such things are lifelines for many of us.  

Being With Children in Nature

(Reprinted from “Rain Lilies” on Substack)

A lot of parents hope that their kids will enjoy being outside and maybe even become “nature kids” – the kids that love the trees, water, grasses, bugs or birds, and may have familiar and beloved places in nature. Some other parents have kids who, on their own, have become interested in nature and love getting out. Such parents may be willing to support their child’s interest. I screwed up my first attempts, but have better ideas now that I’d like to tell you about.

Elijah, holding a green anole

Like many other parents, I hoped my son would enjoy being in nature and even be a partner with me in exploring the woods and creeks. All these years later, I understand some things better than I did then. What is wonderful to me may not be attractive or interesting to someone else. To share an experience or a place with someone, it is important to be tuned in to how they will experience it. These ideas will seem obvious to you, and thirty years ago those ideas – put into those words – would have been obvious to me, too. But sometimes I was blind to their meaning.

So here’s what I did that may have sunk any chances of my raising a nature kid. When he was five, I took my son to the creek that meant so much to me when I was growing up. He rode on my shoulders through the tall grass, and then we walked the limestone creek bed where water trickled and gathered in pools. I turned over a piece of wood to find a couple of plain-bellied water snakes hiding beneath. They are harmless, so I grabbed for them and caught one.

For someone with a serious interest in field herpetology, “harmless” means “this snake is going to bite you if you pick it up, but there is no venom and it only leaves scratches.” Others might not necessarily agree that “harmless” is the right word, but there it is. Geoffrey was not thinking the snake was harmless as it repeatedly bit my arm and drew blood. I got control of the snake’s movement and it stopped thrashing, and Geoff’s eyes were wide with fear. I was clueless enough to offer to let him touch the snake somewhere away from its head.

“No-o-o-o-o-o,” was the answer.

I hadn’t bothered to ask if he wanted to find a snake, and then had not paid attention to how he was responding when I did find one. I was very mis-attuned to my son and too focused on what was a wonderful experience for me and thus I thought surely would be for him. Geoff tells me that he would not have become a nature kid regardless, but I’m sure this experience did not help.

Maybe if I had talked with him before our walk to see what he would like to get out of it, or at least prepared him for how it might go if we found a snake. And maybe if he shrank back as I discussed it, I would know that it’s better to just walk around the creek and not look for snakes this time. You would think that my Master’s degree in psychology would have told me this.

At a later point in my career, I was trained in parent-child attachment relationships and a program called the “Circle of Security,” a way for parents to pursue attuned, secure attachment with their children. The “circle” is a graphic that shows us as the secure base from which the child goes out to explore and grow but also comes back in for reconnection and help.

Sarah, examining a pine cone at LBJ National Grasslands

Having a secure relationship with someone means we work to be reliable partners for each other, whether we’re a parent with a child, two close friends, or a married couple. We try to respond to each other’s emotional cues and act in the other person’s best interest, and when we screw up, we try to fix it. We can take delight in each other without being overly controlling, but we can also step in and be protective when needed. We wish we could succeed at this all of the time but we never perfect it. There are mistakes in the relationship from time to time, and what counts is how we repair it. The cycle of rupture and repair can strengthen relationships in ways that perfection probably could not.

Early research on attachment involved mothers and babies or very young children, but the themes follow us into adulthood. Our relationships, how we trust others, how we maintain (or don’t maintain) boundaries with others, and how we handle conflicts, tend to reflect to one degree or another how those early relationships worked. And so these ideas are very relevant to our parenting of school-aged children and beyond.

Much of the Circle of Security approach seems relevant to encouraging children to spend time in nature. We surely don’t want to make it a battle, as if to say, “You’re going to march right out there and hang out with the birds, or you’re grounded!” I don’t think it works out well to make it a chore, a sort of outdoor homework in which we say, “Stop having fun, it’s time for nature; and remember, there will be a quiz afterward.” No one would really say that, but you know what I mean.

So what can happen when we take children to the prairies and woodlands? We can support their exploration while watching over them, staying closer when they’re younger and giving them more independence and space when they are older. We can give help when it is needed and genuinely wanted, and also enjoy the experience with them. With Lilly’s earliest walks in the woods, I stayed very close but I generally followed her lead. When she stopped to play in the sand of the trail, I stopped with her. I’ve taken older kids who also wanted to play in soft sand, and I’m happy to stay nearby and watch that happen. Once I joined an elementary school-age girl who was throwing a few small branches and sticks into a pond and describing the results, in one case creating a small wave in the water “like an angel’s wing.”

Lilly on a walk in the woods

In Circle of Security terms, these are things that happen on the top half of the circle, when the child is playing under our watchful eye and sometimes needing us to delight in what they are doing. It doesn’t all have to be free play; we can and should offer ideas and help. We can engage kids in some structured activities or games while in nature. But it helps if some of that time in nature involves following the child’s lead, and if our time in nature feels like something that we create together.

Kelby shares a moment of discovery with her kids

What about the bottom half of the Circle of Security? That’s when the child needs to return to you for support, to take out that splinter or reassure them that the bee that’s buzzing around isn’t trying to attack. Or maybe when the younger child falls apart in frustration or the older child has a conflict with another child. It might be when she or he is getting near some place that could be dangerous, and we have to step in and set limits. In Circle of Security terms, it’s when the child needs us to welcome them, protect them or comfort them, and help them manage overwhelming feelings.

There are always hazards of some sort. Not long ago I stopped Lilly just before she walked into a patch of cactus. I took a group of people on a walk at sunset at LBJ National Grasslands (no young children on that walk). Copperheads are fairly common there, and I prepare folks accordingly and would set limits on risky things like walking around barefoot at such times. Coyotes began to yip and howl in the darkness, and a little reassurance was needed for one of the participants. These are all moments that occur on the bottom half of that circle, in which the other person wants to reconnect or needs help or limit-setting.

The helpful phrase that the program taught us was, “Always be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind.” We are bigger and stronger in the protective sense – with four-year-old Lilly I will hold her hand as we cross an elevated walkway and would not let her fall. With young children it is also protective when, if necessary, we pick them up and move to a safer or quieter area in the middle of a tantrum. We also aim to be wiser in the sense that we decide when we can follow their lead and when it is necessary to step in and assume control. It takes wisdom and self-awareness to avoid using our strength just to “show them who’s boss.” And kindness is that crucial ingredient that can make the bigger and stronger part not frightening and (at least sometimes) not escalate emotions into a fight.

Taking kids out into nature needs the right blend of following the child’s lead, offering ideas, and making the outing a working partnership between adult and child. It also requires judgment and protectiveness on our part. If we can be a secure base for children, as described in the Circle of Security, and remember to be bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind, we will all benefit.

A “Letter” About Hot Times in Winter

The weather lately is kind of a roller coaster. We’ve had some snow and ice, and last weekend the temperature out in the woods where I sat was 87 degrees. Maybe some wild weather is par for the course for North Texas, but as I wrote to nature kids, a warming climate makes it hard for the plants and animals to show up at the right times. What if flowers bloom before some of the pollinators arrive? What if some species become active but something they rely on for food, or nesting, or other critical function isn’t ready?

So I introduce the word phenology and the ideas behind it, not a lengthy discussion but just something to think about while enjoying a few unusually warm days in winter. Letters to Nature Kids is intended for older kids, teens, and adults, too. It’s a free download on the “Letters” page.

Walks for Kids Who Want to Explore Nature

How Small Groups of Older Kids Might Benefit

I published this post at Rainlilies.substack.com but wanted to make sure you could see it here.

I want to lead one or more groups for older children, walking through our woods and prairies, finding wonder, and feeling at home among trees and grasses. I have taken parents and children on walks like that, and I often lead groups of adults out into one or two of our nearby nature preserves. What is the attraction, for me and more importantly for the kids, in doing such a thing? Is there some benefit other than learning a couple of facts? And will kids want to go along on such walks?

Some of you will have read one or more of Richard Louv’s books (Last Child in the Woods and The Nature Principle are the ones I’m familiar with). If so, these questions and their possible answers are not new to you. Louv came up with the phrase “nature deficit disorder,” not as an actual diagnosis but as a way of talking about how children used to spend more time in nature and would benefit from doing that again now. I agree wholeheartedly.

I’ll offer myself as an example, and maybe I’m representative of how a lot of kids might benefit. In the 1960s, on most days during summer break I was at the creek or at a museum in Fort Worth. My parents took me to the museum for their “Natural History Club” because I had developed an interest in snakes. From there I was introduced to the creek and its harmless water snakes, ribbon snakes, turtles, frogs, bluegill sunfish … and the list could go on. I got acquainted with armadillos, spotted skunks, crayfish, and copperheads, with friendly guidance (and hands-off supervision with those copperheads) from John Preston and then Rick Pratt at the museum. 

At the creek

And so I was outside in nature somewhere quite a bit, either on field trips with the museum or with friends in some nearby place. After a time, I felt most at home in the prairies, woods, and wetlands of North Texas. My home with my family was fine; I was not escaping from anything. It’s just that being outside in nature was familiar and felt safe and free with something new and fascinating around each bend in the trail. I knew how to wade or swim, where was safe to climb up a hillside and not fall, and how to investigate a hollow log or rock ledge without getting bitten or stung.

In other words, I became physically competent in those places, developed problem-solving and creative skills, experienced wonder, and had a few homes away from home that I could always count on, regardless of the ups and downs of school and society. Do those things seem important? They meant the world to me.

Some people would say that the world has changed so much that those experiences are now unworkable and maybe dangerous. And it is true that in the last fifty years, kids’ freedom to explore neighborhoods and parks on their own has been restricted by loving parents guarding against malignant strangers, traffic, and any number of hazards. Richard Louv makes the case, with logic and statistics, that we have overreacted. Others agree with him, but even if we wanted to return to the way it used to be, we’re not sure how much to ease up and still be responsible parents. 

And so I would like to see kids have some supervised time in nature in which exploration and discovery can take place in a small group. It would not be freewheeling like some of my days at the creek, but more like the museum outings in which an adult could not only offer some guardrails but also help interpret and explain what we were finding among the trees, grasses, and ponds.

Texas spiny lizard on an oak tree

A growing number of studies have explored how time in nature benefits our bodies and minds. Many of them document lowered blood pressure and other cardiovascular benefits. Some show decreases in the stress hormone cortisol, and some document boosts to the immune system. Another gift from nature concerns how our attention systems can be restored. One group of researchers emphasizes how our executive attention, keeping us on task and dealing with multitasking, can become exhausted in today’s world. The kinds of experiences we have in nature turn out to be very good at letting that part of our attention system recover. 

Further benefits have been documented in mood and stress. After walks in nature, people often experience improved mood and less ruminative thoughts (the angry, guilty, or shame-based thoughts that can get stuck in an endless loop). Anxiety may be diminished. 

Such benefits are needed by a lot of our kids. A 2023 survey of kids in grades 9-12 showed 39.7% of those children with persistent sadness and hopelessness, and 20.4% had seriously considered suicide (this was a CDC study you can find here). That is, on average, one in five kids in those grades at some point thinking in a serious way about killing themselves. Another study found that between 2016 and 2020, there was an increase in anxiety and depression among kids up to age 17, as well as decreases in exercise and in the emotional well-being of parents. Those unfortunate trends with the children were occurring before the Covid pandemic began (this was in a JAMA Pediatrics study you can see here).

The benefits of nature are there for anyone, and may be especially helpful for those who struggle with stress, anxiety, or a number of other issues. I’m not suggesting it is a cure-all, and it’s no substitute for therapy when the issues are severe, but it can make a difference. 

The walks I would like to lead for older kids, just like the other walks I currently lead, would not be offered as therapy. Their purpose would be to make a healthy life richer and fuller, and to make health challenges less likely. 

Would kids want to go on such walks? To some extent it depends on kids’ comfort level when out in some place that is a little bit wild, and whether the walk includes fascination and active discovery. A lot would depend on children’s interests, preferences, and temperament. I’ll explore that question below.


Is Nature Boring?

After writing about my interest in taking older kids on nature walks, I said I wanted to follow up on was whether kids (or adults) would stay engaged and interested, or might they become bored. How do people maintain their interest and stay “present” to what nature offers? Let’s start by considering what nature does give to anyone who notices.

Every place in nature offers multiple levels of beauty and fascination, whether in the delicate, concentric rings of a shelf fungus, the color and structure of flowers, the call of a bird, or the flowing, muscular movement of a snake moving among rocks and fallen branches. Being fully present means noticing as much as we can and not being distracted by external things that can wait. When we bring knowledge and understanding to what we are experiencing, we may know that the fungus is helping return wood to the soil and that the color and shape of flowers is to attract pollinators like bees, wasps, and flies. One thing connects to another and another, and there is so much to imagine and think about.

Equally important, we can wonder about things that we don’t yet know. How can the snake coordinate movements to push forward and not just thrash around? Can all those pollinating insects see the flower’s color (and maybe some of the light spectrum that we cannot see, like ultraviolet)? Later, we look for answers that will add to our understanding.

Our adaptable brain

Does spending time in nature sound like a good idea except that it would be hard to stay focused and not get bored? If so, you (or your kids) would not be alone. We are a society of multitaskers and screen-watchers. We live at a time when working two jobs (just two?) may be necessary and our phones are with us everywhere we go. And our brain adapts to our habits and activities. If we live a life of constant input and multitasking, that builds a brain that expects it and even wants it. 

Imagine all those neurons firing in response to rapidly shifting stimuli and a flood of information. And here’s an insight from neurology and psychology: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” The parts of the brain that get lots of use become stronger, while areas that are not used a great deal have fewer connections. If our brain is wired for high stimulation, then in quieter times we may feel bored and restless, as if there’s not enough going on.

If you would like to be able to slow down when you are in the woods or at the pond, there is some good news – the brain can change in the other direction, too. The brain has the ability, called “brain plasticity,” to rewire itself in response to patterns of stimulation and activity. There are limits to this plasticity, but to some degree, our restlessness might begin to decrease if we practice being still and noticing things while in nature. A good strategy is to start small and easy, and find ways to make it enjoyable to notice things. Sometimes games like nature-based scavenger hunts may give kids or adults a structure for focusing on nature.

Attention

To talk about boredom we need to talk about what seems like its opposite – paying attention. When we notice something, choosing that thing to look at or listen to and letting everything else become background, we are paying attention to it. We may shift our attention often or we might stick with it for a while if we have a long enough attention span. There is some reason to think our attention spans are becoming shorter. I wonder if that is related to the fast-paced, multitasking lives I referred to above. 

We can think of paying attention as a skill which develops during childhood. For example, by kindergarten age, most children can sit through fifteen minutes of circle time or listen to a couple of picture books, and by grades 4 or 5, they can usually spend between 30 and 60 minutes in homework (as reported in Dawson & Guare’s Smart but Scattered2009, Guilford). It is up to us to meet the child where s/he is for age and ability, and to encourage the child in a positive way.

Does it take effort to pay attention? Yes. Researchers describe two types of attention – one that requires effort to direct our attention and shut out distractions, sometimes called “executive attention,” and another that seems to respond pretty effortlessly to some things that are inherently interesting or attractive. Stephen Kaplan and his colleagues say that our executive or directed attention becomes exhausted and needs opportunities for recovery. Their research says that nature can play a role in this. What we experience among trees, water, sunsets, and such things offer what Kaplan calls “soft fascination.” That uses a kind of attention that is not particularly effortful and does not trigger the executive attention system to concentrate on something to the exclusion of other things.

Boredom

“Bored” can mean different things at different times. Sometimes “I’m bored” is what we say when we would like things to move faster in a more interesting way. At other times “bored” is probably about our preference for something different – “what’s going on is not what I wanted.” Boredom is a signal that we are not finding what is in front of us to be meaningful, and so we need to either change our surroundings or else see if we can discover meaning in our surroundings.

Sometimes a feeling of boredom is about brain chemistry. When we see something we like, or hear something interesting on television, or successfully respond to a challenge, our brain gets a little bit of dopamine, which feels good. If nothing is happening, maybe nothing is stimulating the release of this “feel good” neurotransmitter. Since dopamine is linked to pleasure and reward, when it gets low we may feel like nothing is fun, things seem gray and blah. At its worst, when we are stuck in boredom our mood may become depressed or irritable, we become impatient, and we might also feel slowed and drained of energy.

Is there anything at all good in being bored? Maybe. If we can respond to boredom by finding something meaningful and useful in our situation, we become better at coping with boredom. Lacking something to do may be a helpful trigger for us to learn to be flexible and creative. And that would suggest that we should not always rescue children from boredom. Maybe we can support them in finding other ways to respond to the surroundings that currently seem boring.

Temperament

Each person is a little different when it comes to their need for stimulation and activity. Some are more restless and become bored more easily than others. These qualities are, to one extent or another, part of who we are over the years. One person may be more adaptable while someone else is more rigid. We all know people who are outgoing and comfortable with some risk, just as we know people who are more inhibited and cautious. These things are part of our temperament. And so it’s not surprising that some people find it easier to sit quietly and take in their surroundings, while others seem to need shifting, high-energy stimulation or else they become bored.

Even these relatively stable traits can shift when the person is motivated and regularly engages in practices that can bring about change. A person who is ordinarily restless can become more comfortably still and quiet, at least to some extent. To work on this, it is best to start by choosing easier and shorter activities with lots of points of interest. If a parent tries to enforce more challenging activities as a required lesson, hoping the child will somehow shift from uncomfortable compliance to joyful engagement, they are likely to be disappointed. We have to start by meeting them where they are.

Emotions and trauma

A history of trauma, anxiety or depression sometimes makes it harder to be quiet and contemplative in nature. Being in a new place and simply taking in the experience might feel unsafe, like waiting for something to happen. Sometimes people feel that constant distractions help shut out troubling thoughts, and if they get quiet it opens the door to let all those worries and memories in. Such discomfort can also change with practice and time, but each person has to decide what their tolerance is and what support they need in order to venture into what might seem like unsafe territory.

In situations such as those, there is a need to consider whether psychotherapy can help. In my earlier post I mentioned that time in nature is very often helpful for depression and anxiety, but not necessarily a substitute for therapy. A person for whom trauma, depression, or anxiety are issues could think about how to create enough safety for nature to be the comfortable and secure refuge that it can be. Maybe it’s taking someone along for quiet companionship, or maybe it’s choosing the right spot, weather, and time of day. 

The bottom line

Every person has a different level of comfort, interest, and motivation to do things that are quiet and involve paying attention. The capacity to pay attention (vs. experience boredom) changes with age and development, and it also varies according to the person’s inborn temperament. These things can change to one degree or another, especially if the person is motivated and they experience some success and enjoyment when they work on it.

Time spent in nature can help recharge our attentional abilities as well as lower stress, anxiety, and depression. However, it is important to respect a person’s interests and capabilities. I never want to take any child or adult on a walk if they don’t want to go or the demands of the walk will be higher than their ability to benefit from it. 

I would like very much to hear your thoughts about this. Maybe you’re a parent or relative, or maybe you’re a kid with a point of view about what you like or do not like about nature. You can reply to this post and tell us what you think!